Tag Archives: Life

Body Negative Conversation Bullshit

So picture this, you’re at a family gathering, sharing time, laughs and catching up with relatives (you know the ones you actually like and can spend time with). Of all the topics of conversation possible: Billy’s new little shit scenarios, Daisy’s graduation from her college programme despite being vietually nocturnal or Granddad’s new fishing record (he caught something after 3 years of saying ‘This is my day’). The possibilites for hearing those great missed moments are endless…so what is talked about most of the day? Eating, size and fucking diets!
Now I get more than most the inner turmoil of walking up to the buffet table and filling a plate in front of others but why do the older generation feel the need to discuss size at this point? Its banded round like a joke about gaining and changing size. Is it any wonder that the more vulnerable shrink away and look at themselves through those eyes?

Why is it so fucking hard to make a connection between how their mouth spouts out crap and the people who stop / imcrease eating, for fear you mean them too, when you talk about being fat?! 

I suppose I should point out this us after most being informed discreetly that not only the BED sufferer has an ED but another is slowly slipping into major restrictions with their food? They all gasp and share concern when warned that we need to keep it body positive only (if you need to take about it all. I personally prefer hearing about Billy dragging the plant across the room filling the lounge with soil! Far more entertaining).

Its like watching a snowball grow as the shite conversation gathers pace, almost everyone joining in. Is it a right of passage to being a grown up in the family circle that I wasn’t informed of, my comtibution: screaming ‘cut the crap out’ followed by throwing a plate at the wall, at least mentally anyway. 

It wasn’t just a short spell but all bloody day and its damn hard to stay positive when you’re surrounded. In fact I probably over ate to drown it out a bit, whilst trying to gently guide the other one following all the habits I started with so many years ago, funnily enough, surrounded by the same conversations from different people.

I’m kind fighting this one alone because I hope to (well anything inserted here as I’m not religious) that I can use what I’ve learnt to protect them. Whilst I mentally slap those filling the room with body negative chatter, even if they are lovely people the rest of the time.

Anyone wondering, well why didn’t you just change the subject?…hmmm…it turns out when you switch it to politics and the debate of Trump sinking America into the dark ages and the recent European changes, that is short lived because apparently “some people are sensitive about it”. (This is where my head hits the table, I lift it up and drop it again for good measure).

I think I need to get one of those signs put up normally reserved for happy anecdotes on house rules like laughter and fluffy stuff. Only mine will read…Diets are bullshit, weight is just a number and if you take about size I will chase you out the house faster than I hit the bar on a kid free night out!

Body Positive Holiday!

My recent holiday was the opposite of what I anticipated…

I chose comfort over other peoples opinions. I ate 3+3 every day to fuel my body and felt great. I chose balanced meals over a day and felt more confident in my own ability to look after myself. I had space and time out when I needed to and relaxed because of it. Ultimately I took control of what happened to me and took care of myself. The anxieties were left behind and squashed down, rather than the other way round. 

Now, I’m home and keeping these efforts going. I decided: I don’t want to be a version of someone else, I don’t even want to be thin any more. I want to be a stronger version of me!

2 Years & A Totally Different Person

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It feels like five minutes ago I was writing about my first year milestone, yet here I am (even a few weeks late) recording the passing of my second personal anniversary; happy, stable and binge free!
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A New Chapter – Single Mum With BED

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My title sounds more confident than I feel right now. It is slowly becoming more real, I am no longer part of a team at home, I am the team most of the time now. That isn’t to take anything away from my husband, he is a fantastic and living dad. Yet either way you look at it, a huge part if my life has changed… Continue reading

Shit At The End Of The Tunnel

We all aim for a particular with our mental health, the light at the end of the tunnel, if you like. Only sometimes when we get there it isn’t all its cracked up to be! Continue reading

Why I’m Eating More Now Than I Ever Have And I Couldn’t Be Happier

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Just 18 months ago starting out to get myself better was a scary process. The level of panic I felt just considering a life without a diet was all consuming. The only life I could envisage was one where I ate myself into an early grave. In my mind it was giving up and letting food take over my life, my definition of the ultimate failure!

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What If I have The Same Problem as Dr Watson?

Anyone who is a fan of the Steven Moffat’s version of Sherlock Holmes series, will know that in the first episode A Study In Pink,  Dr Watson is seeing a therapist to deal with life after his service in Afghanistan.
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Sometimes A Reminder Is Key To Appreciation

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A couple of evenings ago I sat watching tv not feeling quite myself. When messages arrived in my inbox, their contents filled me with overwhelming anxiety.

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The Scales: Anxiety v Depression

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Today is one of the days where I am very much aware that the scales have tipped. Today’s balance is in favour of depression.
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