Sitting down after some pretty tiring multi tasking and having a think. For some time it has frustrated me that my lack of energy, low mood and anxiety has limited the amount of housework I do. I very rarely feel like I’m on top of things around the home anymore. I used to be and that change gets me down quite a lot. I feel it’s my job to do my share even if I’m not 100%. In all honesty my husband does about 70% lately and he works long hours too, it makes me feel lazy. ( I know I’m not but the little inner voice is never a kind one) Continue reading →
I have found this image by chance. Quite a few years ago I actually made that jump myself. It scared the crap out of me but it’s a nice reminder that I can push myself out of my comfort zone and be successful. Actually I need to because its not a happy place! Change is good right? I’ve done it so many times before it’s just tangled up with anxiety this time.
Work has been so stressful of late that my positive improvements have been unravelling rapidly. Today i made a decision to take back control and leave. I need a break from the anxiety and worrying. My prospective employers are currently trying to call all the shots while leaving me with the responsibilities. It’s not good for me, so I’m out as soon as my current contract ends! Wish me luck….
Tonight I have let go, drank and had the best time with my husband. We have been listening to old school music and talking about the past. It’s been a great reminder that now isn’t forever and will one day be a distant memory. I have a lot to be thankful for, not least my best friend and partner.
I got the camera out for a few shots today. This evening looking at make up blogs and photo shoots I can feel the creative buzz returning. I think tomorrow may be a good time to write out some goals for myself to achieve…
I am back in the room again! I have been at a loss to explain my inability to cope in such an epic way this week. The blame can be firmly placed at mother Nature’s door. I had no idea she was about to come drop by (apparently the hubby did and wisely gave me a wide birth). So as things are settling down chemically, my brain is functioning far better. Productivity and creativity have returned from their cells.
This evening I am trying to regain a grip on my positivity….My new blog theme is a reflection of where I feel I have moved on to in my journey. It’s a bit more complicated than just pretty colours and boxes. For me visual stimulation can be either a welcome comfort or a vicious trigger for a low mood. So with that in mind, I have taken a great deal of time picking something that not only makes me feel comfortable when looking at it but also something that may be a welcome view for anyone reading my blog. I have no idea if I am alone in having these experiences. It extends to music, which can either be loved instantly or turned off for switching on a depressive mood. I choose the colours of my drinking glass depending on my mood. Happiness requires warm colours and depression requires me to avoid greys and browns. I see tastes and smells as a scale of notes and pitches. Certain words give me feelings and some I cannot say aloud due to the attachments they have. I have yet to meet someone who has these experiences but this is how I am and it doesn’t bother me at all, in fact I quite like it. Whether there is name for it….beyond weird, I have no idea but I can use these sensory quirks to help pick myself backup again. Tonight’s tools are Genesis and The Beautiful South… with these wonderful creative people in my head I am back on this and ready to deal with my shit again!
Just that. I can’t stop these feelings of constant anxiety and inadequacy. I’m a smart individual who wouldn’t expect anyone else to suddenly snap out of this black cloud. So why do I feel like a failure for not being able to? Continue reading →
Right now I’m struggling to stay on the right track and keep my recovery going. I’m battling the urge to binge daily. My anxiety is permanently high, I’m tired and yet struggling to sleep. This is not going the right way. With the stress of work crushing me, I struggling to hold onto everything I’ve put into place since I started this. Seeing articles like this one are important. They serve as a reminder of what I do have, what I need to fight for. Yet my battle is not that significant, not compared to what others have to face….my thoughts are with this family tonight.