Tag Archives: Future

Back to School

If I look back over this journey it takes a while for me pinpoint specific actions I have taken to get to now as there have been so many small parts to make the bigger picture. ‘Now’ for me would be defined as binge and emotional eating absent (I think its important to use that description instead of ‘free’ as without mindful management, it could all return). I am able to approach weight management with a level head most of the time and I have a strong will to never return to dieting restrictions of the past, it may be more honest to say I have a hatred for the diet industry and often think of running round shouting how shit they are and that the industry is designed to make money, not help you!

Although I can acknowledge the years of work I have put in to recover from my ED, almost 3 in total now, I would say that this period has had the most significant impact for me. It has smashed a lot of my learnt misconceptions and given me the confidence to move even further away from the body hating culture constantly thrown at us.

Since Aug I have been a part-time student! I took an online Diploma in nutrition and it was a fantastic learning experience. The reason for studying was to focus more on myself now my baby is at school and to educate myself on what food is all about on a scientific level.

Whether this would work for all, I don’t know, but for me it was life changing. I now look at food in terms of nutrients and what I need daily, weekly and looking at the trends over longer periods. Despite not dieting prior to the course, I would still view a single meal of high calorie value as able to have a much bigger impact than actually possible, or not drink enough and happy to ignore any consequences of what I may put my body through by not eating propely. It has helped me to be realistic and make choices based on a balanced view, in summary I no longer fear food! Its there for me to fuel my body and eat how I want, that may sound to many like a scary and a complete lack of control, well your not wrong. I no longer need to try control my relationship with food to the degree that it becomes my nemesis, I strike a balance making sure I get as much of what I need as possible and regularly but if I want extra then why not?  It removes the need to be super strict and then rebel, a long worn path in my past and has further strengthened my ability to cope without turning to binges. The more structure I have to support myself without eating, the better the chances are of staying this side of recovery are.

I’m not saying I waved a magic wand and the anxieties all went away and I’m cured. It will always be something I need to mentally coach myslef to some degree. During PMS my confidence can crash and I that day I won’t like what I see in the mirror, or feel confident when walking outside but the difference now is my ability to talk myself back up without food taking over. There is no binge or restriction cycle anymore.

I have a plan of where I want to be rather than a weight or clothes size I want to be which is still a nice feeling as it comes naturally, I passed the faking it ’till I make it a while ago. Even on my weight management I don’t have this dream number in mind because this is me, who I am won’t change and I’m confident being me now. When I feel comfortable moving, strong rather than achey and don’t suffer with pain due to being over weight then that is where I will be in aphysically better condition, nothing more. I am currently losing weight sensibly and slowly for health reasons and im actually enjoying cooking and experimenting with new meals and learning better ways to gwt what I need. this is a separate area to my body confidence which needs a lot of nurturing to maintain. Its not always easy but my driving force is be able to feel about myself the way I do about others and I will eventually achieve that too.

 Aftet my Diploma I decided if i can do that why not go all in, so I did and am now studying a psychology degree so that I can get out there one day in the future and with a plan in my hand to try and help others escape the shit peddled by the media about how we need to be thin and diet and show people that there is another alternative where you can step on those crappy diet leaflets on you body positive journey learning to love you as you are inside and out! 

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Shit At The End Of The Tunnel

We all aim for a particular with our mental health, the light at the end of the tunnel, if you like. Only sometimes when we get there it isn’t all its cracked up to be! Continue reading

Why I’m Eating More Now Than I Ever Have And I Couldn’t Be Happier

believe-in-yourself

Just 18 months ago starting out to get myself better was a scary process. The level of panic I felt just considering a life without a diet was all consuming. The only life I could envisage was one where I ate myself into an early grave. In my mind it was giving up and letting food take over my life, my definition of the ultimate failure!

Continue reading

The Year Is Almost Done

It’s been a long road but my year is almost up. Continue reading

From The Other Side

Real Beauty Sketches

If you struggle with your self worth and appearance, set a few minutes aside to watch this. Let me know how it makes you feel?

Liebster Award & Nominations

liebster-award

I was recently surprised to be nominated for a Liebster Award, by So Tired of Me!

Here are the rules:
1.Post the award on your blog.
2.Thank the blogger who presented you the award and provide a link back to their blog.
3.Write five random facts about yourself
4.Nominate five other bloggers who you feel deserve the award and have less than 200 followers.
5.Answer five questions posted by the presenter and ask your nominees five questions.

These are the questions that So Tired Of Me! asked me to answer……..

1. If there was a time in your life that you were depressed, what did you do to help yourself?
This time last year I was at my lowest. I wanted a way out and knew I had to find one. so after some research I decided to make 2014 a different year for me. I set new goals and challenges for myself, the first was an outlet for my emotions and so began my blog.

2. Do you have any pets? If so, how long have you had them?
I don’t have pets, although I would love to.

3. Do you play any video games?
very rarely.

4. If you had one piece of advice to give to your younger self, what would it be?
Don’t feel guilty for having limitations.

5. Who is the most inspirational person in your life & why?
My best friend! The strength she has is amazing and she still finds time to be there for me too, no matter what. She has taught me so much!

Ok, so here are the five questions I’d like YOU to answer!

1. What was the last random act of kindness someone did for you?
2. What song can make you smile?
3. Which city in the world do you like most?
4. Would you answer the door in your pyjamas?
5. Do you wear colours to match how your feeling?

The lovely blogs I nominate are:

It’s a Battle
ED Recovery
Feminine and Feline
Pills and Spills
candidkay

The Unexpected- A New Direction

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What a month November has been… Continue reading

A Re-education

Previous attempts to lose weight have always been about fitting in, smaller clothes and massively (unsustainable) restrictions. I can now see that the focus being on what I couldn’t have, was always going to make diets ineffective.

Everything was centred around not having certain foods and then allowing them in as treats. This time I have to switch my thoughts to what I can have and find lots of it. Continue reading

Doing Something Right

This morning my children gave me a little sign that I am doing ok by them. Breaking the cyclic grip of ED and not passing it on. Continue reading

All We Can Be….

Forgiveness is allowed. We can’t be everything to everyone. We don’t have to be in control all the time. We are allowed to be flawed, everyone is. Everyone!

Accept you and all that you are. You are greater than you know!

Unlock what you hide from others theough fear. You are capable of so much!

Let go. Let go of all the negative comments,  opinions and comments. They do not difine you, you do!

Move forward and have faith in youself. You will surprise youself!

All this is within your reach. Take it one step at a time and you will make progress.

Make your own goals and targets to achieve.  No one else can do that, no matter what they think or say. Those that matter will help you up. Those thay don’t….leave them behind in your thoughts. Build your own walls around their attempts to drive you down.

Make the choice to not accept being told you can’t. Don’t look for validation in those that have crushed you before,  they will do it again. Use your achievements to show yourself how wrong they are.

You can succeed! Choose to believe it and if you can’t get there yet. Choose to try and change that.x