There Was A Positive At The End Of The Shit Tunnel Afterall

As I have been documenting, the last few months have been pretty low for me. My eating has been sporadic and gone back over. This last few weeks I have scaled everything back and been looking after myself and it is paying of with some pleasant changes. Continue reading

Mummy Is A Great Big Fraud, She Doesn’t Follow All The Things She Tells You About Food!

We have just had one if those chats, you known the daily ones we can have with our kids…

Child 1: “I’ve had enough, I want some cake”.

Me: “Hmm the dinner is untouched, you’re not having cake darling you need food”.

Child 2: ” I finished all mine and my cake, I would like something else”.

Me: “Of course, if you’re still hungry, what about an apple?”

Child 2: “no, more cake please”.

Me: “The cake was was quite large, if your still hungry eating fruit or a yogurt will give your body what it needs. More cake won’t”.

Child 2: ” No thank you” and tottles off to play.

Child 1 after watching this exchange:
” I want cake, don’t like this!”

Me: “I know you love that, you just want cake and that isn’t going to give you vitamins and energy for playing. We’re like cars, we don’t work properly if we don’t put fuel in. We get tired and can’t do things. Eat up before it goes too cold”.

Child 1: “I had enough” while food has one tiny bite in it.

Me:” OK but there is nothing else to eat if you leave that dinner”, leaves food in the hope they eat something.

Child 1 10mins later: “I’m hungry….”

Me: Has visions of smacking head on the wall, while sneaking another marshmallow in the kitchen.

I honestly believe the things I tell my kids, I make meals to make sure they get the nutrients they need while trying my best to keep their healthy view of food. It is fuel and just something to eat to them, which is lovely but as I say it I feels like a fraud.

I don’t eat right, my general diet is awful left to my own devices. I would quite happily eat take out most days lately. Thankfully finances do not allow for this! Also DH is in charge of shopping and cooking most days (until I get to a better phase). I want to give my kids the best start and avoid them being like me or picking up my bad habits. We eat after they go to bed and it’s a saving grace that keeps my evening habits out if sight.While I tell them all the right things it’s like having a voice in my head laughing because I cannot actually follow my own advice!

Eating Disorder Services Check Up

The next phase of my step towards treatment has been completed, a care plan has been put together after monitoring my progress. The next step is to start treatment in a few weeks. Continue reading

Round & Round We Go

Needing to talk and release emotional turmoil is essential. It serves many purposes and yet induces anxiety symptoms leaving exhaustion and a host of worries behind. Continue reading

A Phone Call We Hope We Will Never Need To Make

Well this last few days has been a wake up call! I have never had to use the emergency services for myself,  they are for serious cases and something I do not take lightly. Yet this week, without warning, I had to make that call I never thought I would.
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Venturing Out Alone, It’s Been A While

I struggle to remember, was I always confident in my younger years or had I simply perfected the art of running away? Continue reading

BED Is Calling

My name Fighting BED seems quite apt today.
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Expectations v Reality

For the last few weeks I have been feeling the pressure of summer arriving. Sure it’s warmer and we can get out more, if we want to but what about those of us who don’t want to?!
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An Update On My BED Progress

Todays posting seems to have fallen into three distinct categories: Depression, Anxiety and now BED. I didn’t plan it, I rarely write with a plan at all. This is my space for therapy and I go with the emotions at the time, they come out as I write. Continue reading