Category Archives: Therapy

Back to School

If I look back over this journey it takes a while for me pinpoint specific actions I have taken to get to now as there have been so many small parts to make the bigger picture. ‘Now’ for me would be defined as binge and emotional eating absent (I think its important to use that description instead of ‘free’ as without mindful management, it could all return). I am able to approach weight management with a level head most of the time and I have a strong will to never return to dieting restrictions of the past, it may be more honest to say I have a hatred for the diet industry and often think of running round shouting how shit they are and that the industry is designed to make money, not help you!

Although I can acknowledge the years of work I have put in to recover from my ED, almost 3 in total now, I would say that this period has had the most significant impact for me. It has smashed a lot of my learnt misconceptions and given me the confidence to move even further away from the body hating culture constantly thrown at us.

Since Aug I have been a part-time student! I took an online Diploma in nutrition and it was a fantastic learning experience. The reason for studying was to focus more on myself now my baby is at school and to educate myself on what food is all about on a scientific level.

Whether this would work for all, I don’t know, but for me it was life changing. I now look at food in terms of nutrients and what I need daily, weekly and looking at the trends over longer periods. Despite not dieting prior to the course, I would still view a single meal of high calorie value as able to have a much bigger impact than actually possible, or not drink enough and happy to ignore any consequences of what I may put my body through by not eating propely. It has helped me to be realistic and make choices based on a balanced view, in summary I no longer fear food! Its there for me to fuel my body and eat how I want, that may sound to many like a scary and a complete lack of control, well your not wrong. I no longer need to try control my relationship with food to the degree that it becomes my nemesis, I strike a balance making sure I get as much of what I need as possible and regularly but if I want extra then why not?  It removes the need to be super strict and then rebel, a long worn path in my past and has further strengthened my ability to cope without turning to binges. The more structure I have to support myself without eating, the better the chances are of staying this side of recovery are.

I’m not saying I waved a magic wand and the anxieties all went away and I’m cured. It will always be something I need to mentally coach myslef to some degree. During PMS my confidence can crash and I that day I won’t like what I see in the mirror, or feel confident when walking outside but the difference now is my ability to talk myself back up without food taking over. There is no binge or restriction cycle anymore.

I have a plan of where I want to be rather than a weight or clothes size I want to be which is still a nice feeling as it comes naturally, I passed the faking it ’till I make it a while ago. Even on my weight management I don’t have this dream number in mind because this is me, who I am won’t change and I’m confident being me now. When I feel comfortable moving, strong rather than achey and don’t suffer with pain due to being over weight then that is where I will be in aphysically better condition, nothing more. I am currently losing weight sensibly and slowly for health reasons and im actually enjoying cooking and experimenting with new meals and learning better ways to gwt what I need. this is a separate area to my body confidence which needs a lot of nurturing to maintain. Its not always easy but my driving force is be able to feel about myself the way I do about others and I will eventually achieve that too.

 Aftet my Diploma I decided if i can do that why not go all in, so I did and am now studying a psychology degree so that I can get out there one day in the future and with a plan in my hand to try and help others escape the shit peddled by the media about how we need to be thin and diet and show people that there is another alternative where you can step on those crappy diet leaflets on you body positive journey learning to love you as you are inside and out! 

Advertisements

Dr Hill’s TED Talk

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UEysOExcwrE

This was an amazing TED Talk, so much new information from studying ED’s. She made me cry, just knowing there are people out there learning what its really like for us.  

Recovery Inspirations, We All Need Them!

image

Along the twists and turns of recovery I have come across many people who are sharing their story. Some are like myself, giving us a glimpse into their personal struggles of recovery and others who have completely thrown off the straight jacket of their past with eating disorders and now spend their time helping others find life beyond the despair and self hatred.

After finishing my DBT course in March I have continued to battle with good and bad weeks alongside my friends from the course. We all found not having the weekly sessions difficult to adjust to. The lack of routine and professional support really threatened to push us back to a darker place, so rather than roll over and accept that we have  chosen to keep going together.

We maintain almost daily contact with a What’s App chat, voicing our concerns and struggles when ever we need to. It helps to talk to others who not only understand but are feeling the exact same emotions. In keeping with our course, we also share articles and resources relevant to our journey together.

One particular source of inspiration for me lately, has been Anastasia Amour. If you haven’t already come across this wonderful woman and her #projectpositive work, I’d highly suggest you take a look. Right now she is my daily go to for body positive inspiration. The articles she shares are Informative, uplifting and really leave you with a sense of belonging in the world. That last point may sound a little far fetched to some but feeling on the outer circle of daily life seems to be status quo with EDs. For me personally it’s a mental line I can’t erase, I simply spend my days skipping from ‘outsider’ on one side to ‘ready to experience all I can’ on the other. Its exhausting and incredibly frustrating to battle with your own head. That’s nothing new but I am now choosing to NOT stress over it any more and try to fill my life with new experiences.

Last year I discovered my love of Death Metal and live gigs, I made new friends and carved out a completely new social circle. My most recent hobby has been researching my family tree. The high i get from finding a new link beats any ‘go to food’ high!

The binge is a hollow option for me now. Although my brain is still hardwired to think of a shopping trip when I feel stressed (or anything remotely unpleasant), I now take that as my cue to analyse what is wrong, sit with how I’m feeling and take steps to address it. I couldn’t be more grateful to the eating disorder team for teaching me this and allowing me to take control of myself again, I couldn’t have got this far without them!

Although the course has finished and we are officially discharged, there will always be a need to keep the positive influences going. That’s where people like Anastasia come in. It may be her or another person who manages to reach out to you, the important thing is to find YOUR recovery inspiration and keep moving forward.

DBT Therapy, What Is It?

http://www.recovery.org/pro/articles/is-dialectical-behavioral-therapy-effective-for-eating-disorder-treatment/

My therapy course is DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) this link will explain what that is and how it is applied to recovering from eating disorders.

A New Chapter – Single Mum With BED

image

My title sounds more confident than I feel right now. It is slowly becoming more real, I am no longer part of a team at home, I am the team most of the time now. That isn’t to take anything away from my husband, he is a fantastic and living dad. Yet either way you look at it, a huge part if my life has changed… Continue reading

The Next Chapter – Adjusting What I Eat!

image

Each step on my journey has to be approached with acceptance of the time factor and this is no exception.

Continue reading

Embrace the Documentary | Body Image Movement

You simply have to watch the trailer on this webpage and share it, like someone else shared with me. We owe it to the next generations of females to change things because how they are now, isn’t acceptable.x

http://bodyimagemovement.com.au/embrace-the-documentary/#comment-84137

Let Them See You, As You Are

Take a scroll through your photo collections, chances are there will be thousands of pictures of giggles with Daddy on happy little faces, birthday presents being ripped open and Grandparents laughing as they dish out cuddles without limit. What you are unlikely to find in these pictures is the one person responsible for capturing those special memories, mum. If she does appear, there may be an attempt at tucking behind someone else in the group or an awkward look that shouts ‘I don’t like having my photo taken’. It is something that I have had to make myself overcome. The reason? I actually want my children to known I existed during their childhood.

Ask yourself honestly, are your children going to be disappointed when they look back and have very little of their mum to see? How she wore her clothes, how her smile was infectious and those hugs that no one else can give, where will the que to those memories be for them?

Continue reading