Along the twists and turns of recovery I have come across many people who are sharing their story. Some are like myself, giving us a glimpse into their personal struggles of recovery and others who have completely thrown off the straight jacket of their past with eating disorders and now spend their time helping others find life beyond the despair and self hatred.
After finishing my DBT course in March I have continued to battle with good and bad weeks alongside my friends from the course. We all found not having the weekly sessions difficult to adjust to. The lack of routine and professional support really threatened to push us back to a darker place, so rather than roll over and accept that we have chosen to keep going together.
We maintain almost daily contact with a What’s App chat, voicing our concerns and struggles when ever we need to. It helps to talk to others who not only understand but are feeling the exact same emotions. In keeping with our course, we also share articles and resources relevant to our journey together.
One particular source of inspiration for me lately, has been Anastasia Amour. If you haven’t already come across this wonderful woman and her #projectpositive work, I’d highly suggest you take a look. Right now she is my daily go to for body positive inspiration. The articles she shares are Informative, uplifting and really leave you with a sense of belonging in the world. That last point may sound a little far fetched to some but feeling on the outer circle of daily life seems to be status quo with EDs. For me personally it’s a mental line I can’t erase, I simply spend my days skipping from ‘outsider’ on one side to ‘ready to experience all I can’ on the other. Its exhausting and incredibly frustrating to battle with your own head. That’s nothing new but I am now choosing to NOT stress over it any more and try to fill my life with new experiences.
Last year I discovered my love of Death Metal and live gigs, I made new friends and carved out a completely new social circle. My most recent hobby has been researching my family tree. The high i get from finding a new link beats any ‘go to food’ high!
The binge is a hollow option for me now. Although my brain is still hardwired to think of a shopping trip when I feel stressed (or anything remotely unpleasant), I now take that as my cue to analyse what is wrong, sit with how I’m feeling and take steps to address it. I couldn’t be more grateful to the eating disorder team for teaching me this and allowing me to take control of myself again, I couldn’t have got this far without them!
Although the course has finished and we are officially discharged, there will always be a need to keep the positive influences going. That’s where people like Anastasia come in. It may be her or another person who manages to reach out to you, the important thing is to find YOUR recovery inspiration and keep moving forward.
Fighting BED 