Tag Archives: Food

Body Negative Conversation Bullshit

So picture this, you’re at a family gathering, sharing time, laughs and catching up with relatives (you know the ones you actually like and can spend time with). Of all the topics of conversation possible: Billy’s new little shit scenarios, Daisy’s graduation from her college programme despite being vietually nocturnal or Granddad’s new fishing record (he caught something after 3 years of saying ‘This is my day’). The possibilites for hearing those great missed moments are endless…so what is talked about most of the day? Eating, size and fucking diets!
Now I get more than most the inner turmoil of walking up to the buffet table and filling a plate in front of others but why do the older generation feel the need to discuss size at this point? Its banded round like a joke about gaining and changing size. Is it any wonder that the more vulnerable shrink away and look at themselves through those eyes?

Why is it so fucking hard to make a connection between how their mouth spouts out crap and the people who stop / imcrease eating, for fear you mean them too, when you talk about being fat?! 

I suppose I should point out this us after most being informed discreetly that not only the BED sufferer has an ED but another is slowly slipping into major restrictions with their food? They all gasp and share concern when warned that we need to keep it body positive only (if you need to take about it all. I personally prefer hearing about Billy dragging the plant across the room filling the lounge with soil! Far more entertaining).

Its like watching a snowball grow as the shite conversation gathers pace, almost everyone joining in. Is it a right of passage to being a grown up in the family circle that I wasn’t informed of, my comtibution: screaming ‘cut the crap out’ followed by throwing a plate at the wall, at least mentally anyway. 

It wasn’t just a short spell but all bloody day and its damn hard to stay positive when you’re surrounded. In fact I probably over ate to drown it out a bit, whilst trying to gently guide the other one following all the habits I started with so many years ago, funnily enough, surrounded by the same conversations from different people.

I’m kind fighting this one alone because I hope to (well anything inserted here as I’m not religious) that I can use what I’ve learnt to protect them. Whilst I mentally slap those filling the room with body negative chatter, even if they are lovely people the rest of the time.

Anyone wondering, well why didn’t you just change the subject?…hmmm…it turns out when you switch it to politics and the debate of Trump sinking America into the dark ages and the recent European changes, that is short lived because apparently “some people are sensitive about it”. (This is where my head hits the table, I lift it up and drop it again for good measure).

I think I need to get one of those signs put up normally reserved for happy anecdotes on house rules like laughter and fluffy stuff. Only mine will read…Diets are bullshit, weight is just a number and if you take about size I will chase you out the house faster than I hit the bar on a kid free night out!

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The Next Chapter – Adjusting What I Eat!

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Each step on my journey has to be approached with acceptance of the time factor and this is no exception.

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Why I’m Eating More Now Than I Ever Have And I Couldn’t Be Happier

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Just 18 months ago starting out to get myself better was a scary process. The level of panic I felt just considering a life without a diet was all consuming. The only life I could envisage was one where I ate myself into an early grave. In my mind it was giving up and letting food take over my life, my definition of the ultimate failure!

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Mummy Is A Great Big Fraud, She Doesn’t Follow All The Things She Tells You About Food!

We have just had one if those chats, you known the daily ones we can have with our kids…

Child 1: “I’ve had enough, I want some cake”.

Me: “Hmm the dinner is untouched, you’re not having cake darling you need food”.

Child 2: ” I finished all mine and my cake, I would like something else”.

Me: “Of course, if you’re still hungry, what about an apple?”

Child 2: “no, more cake please”.

Me: “The cake was was quite large, if your still hungry eating fruit or a yogurt will give your body what it needs. More cake won’t”.

Child 2: ” No thank you” and tottles off to play.

Child 1 after watching this exchange:
” I want cake, don’t like this!”

Me: “I know you love that, you just want cake and that isn’t going to give you vitamins and energy for playing. We’re like cars, we don’t work properly if we don’t put fuel in. We get tired and can’t do things. Eat up before it goes too cold”.

Child 1: “I had enough” while food has one tiny bite in it.

Me:” OK but there is nothing else to eat if you leave that dinner”, leaves food in the hope they eat something.

Child 1 10mins later: “I’m hungry….”

Me: Has visions of smacking head on the wall, while sneaking another marshmallow in the kitchen.

I honestly believe the things I tell my kids, I make meals to make sure they get the nutrients they need while trying my best to keep their healthy view of food. It is fuel and just something to eat to them, which is lovely but as I say it I feels like a fraud.

I don’t eat right, my general diet is awful left to my own devices. I would quite happily eat take out most days lately. Thankfully finances do not allow for this! Also DH is in charge of shopping and cooking most days (until I get to a better phase). I want to give my kids the best start and avoid them being like me or picking up my bad habits. We eat after they go to bed and it’s a saving grace that keeps my evening habits out if sight.While I tell them all the right things it’s like having a voice in my head laughing because I cannot actually follow my own advice!

Apparently New Progress

We went out to dinner this week, a favourite restaurant of mine. The usual level of excitement was present on the way there and I don’t restrict myself on what I eat, it was going to be great getting my hands on all my favourites! Continue reading

A Re-education

Previous attempts to lose weight have always been about fitting in, smaller clothes and massively (unsustainable) restrictions. I can now see that the focus being on what I couldn’t have, was always going to make diets ineffective.

Everything was centred around not having certain foods and then allowing them in as treats. This time I have to switch my thoughts to what I can have and find lots of it. Continue reading

My Road To Recovery Is Not A Straight Line and Right Now I Am Turning A New Corner

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In the last week I have asked myself what do I want to do? More than any other time in my life. My default setting has always been
what should I do?
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Fragile = Danger

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We all have days where we don’t feel well or are just too tired. These for me are the days where it’s so easy to fold, forget my progress and lapse.

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Uncomfortable Social Events

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My binge eating disorder and ability to socialise go hand in hand. When one is worse the other follows suit. Often the disordered eating is in reaction to a social situation. This Bank Holiday has been no exception.
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