Step 5: Taking Stock

Should I continue with the programme?

For me the programme has been a positive change. There is a significant reduction in my binges, I started every day. I now average about one a week so it is definitely working for me.

‘Overcoming an eating problem often has a positive effect on accompanying problems such as depression,  self esteem and relationship problems’

I definitely feel more positive in general.  I have good days more often than bad days. My scores on the depression questionnaire have become incredibly low. I wouldn’t consider myself to be depressed now. I have a sense of achievement that I have improved my situation.  It’s still a daily struggle, but I’m in a much better place. I’m happier, fitter and eating much healthier. This has had a really good effect on home and family life too. (Not just being a little easier to live with).

What next?
I now need to look at the processes responsible for my binge eating. I need to ask myself these questions;

1. Does dieting contribute to my tendancy to binge eat?
In the past this has absolutely been a huge trigger for me. I would impose stringent rules on myself and huge pressures to reach a goal in as little time as possible. This is something that I will always need to be aware of. I’m currently trying to eat clean and at just 2 days in, I restricted and it caused me to have a small binge. It’s a lapse and I have got back on with eating for health. To stop that hapening again I have relaxed and made a pact with myself to eat clean not mean. Staying on the line between over and under eating is something that is yet to become a way of life rather than a conscious choice but I will get there!

2.Do concerns about my shape or weight contribute to my binge eating problem?
Yes absolutely. I have nothing positive in this area to offer. I don’t feel confident, I compare myself to others and use mirrors to see how ‘bad’ I look. It’s all negative and negatively reinforces my problem in a huge way. Having made progress with my food consumption,  this undoubtedly an area I have to focus on. I have no idea if I can do this part. For as long I can remember I have only thought of myself in a negative way, I prefer to fade in the background to feel comfortable. I can see the positives and beautiful aspects of anyone else but my own reflection has the power to make me cry. It appears that overcoming this, is the biggest key to my recovery on this journey.

The Big 50!

My last post set my count to 50. This is quite a surprise to me (I know, odd since I write this blog) as I hadn’t kept count of my posts. This simple milestone shows that I have put in more effort to recover than I realised. It’s significant to me because finding alternatives to binging was a big part of this journey and I have succeeded. Many nights I have written a post and pushed past the urge to eat or occupied my thoughts with what I could write. My post can often be in clusters, those are the times i write instead of letting negative thoughts and feelings take over. Right now I have eaten a healthy dinner and I’m avoiding snack on something sweet. I don’t need it and will likely overdo it if I start. These times are not easy but this blog is great therapy for me.

Step 4: Problem Solving

Most binges do not occur at random. Many are triggered by unpleasant events or circumstances including problems with relationships. Even if your binges are not generally triggered by external forces, most people find that developing their problem-solving skills is of value to them.
(ChristopherG.Fairburn)

Today, I Got This

Friends are my motivation and today, motivation is my friend.

It’s OK

Part if my journey is to learn to be able to relax about food. I need to break my cycles involving guilt and punishment.

We Can Choose To Be Happy

In a world where worries and anxiety have a strong grip, sometimes taking back control can be a simple as making an effort to smile. On days we can manage it, looking for the positives and holding onto them can push us through another day. The more we can achieve these happy days, the closer we are to those being the norm.

Most people don’t know as they walk by or sit next to us, the internal struggle we face. So it stands to reason, those that we see may well be facing their own struggles and pain. If we smile and go out of our way to open a door, let someone pass or aknowledge they are there, just maybe we can share that positive energy. Those gestures make such a difference to me on a day where I want to have someone just hug me but can’t say it. Seeing someone else respond in kind can lift our day too. Maybe tomorrow you could smile at someone, say hello or make a kind gesture. Not for reward but for the opportunity to change someone elses day for the better.

Time To Shake Up The Diet

I’m feeling ready for a new chapter, something to focus on the positive. I have already made some small changes to what I eat but now feels like a good time to give my general diet an overhaul.

That Was Then & This Is Now

I can’t go back and change anything that has happened in the past. I also can’t change how other people see what happened. What I do have, is a choice in the here and now.

Where Do I Put In A Request For A Re-wire?

Anyone know? Quite obviously when mother nature did her magic,  she had one eye on something else and slipped up.

Stood Up… Again

We have all heard the story of that date where someone is left standing. The embarrassment and pain that person must feel, is felt as we read or hear about it. No one wants to open themselves up to that situation and feel the rejection.  But what if that rejection is in another form. To talk to someone about my condition is immensely difficult.  For me to open up about anything is not in my nature. This evening I have just done that. They have been talking about diests i could do, trying to help me. Diets arent part of getting better. So i have given someone I love the chance to understand a little bit if what I’m going through, by reading a couple of pages in my Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder book, explaining the effect diets have on binge eating disorder. They took it, whilst sitting next to me and have placed it on the chair. What was so important that they could look at the first page? Reality bloody TV. The pain is less then it has been in the past. This is far from the first time something important to me, has been dismissed for something so irrelevant. Gives an insight into why I’m so guarded with my emotions.