My binge eating disorder and ability to socialise go hand in hand. When one is worse the other follows suit. Often the disordered eating is in reaction to a social situation. This Bank Holiday has been no exception.
I attended a BBQ with my husband and children. It was a simple event, you take your own food and they provide the BBQ to cook on. The key element to this would be that they are my husbands friends. So the group naturally separate into men talking work and technology updates. The ladies are long standing friends and talk with ease and then there’s….me.
Everyone is perfectly nice and polite but I don’t know them particularly well. Partly because we don’t see each other often or share many interests but mostly because given any other situation we wouldn’t have become friends in our own right. This is one of the most difficult situations for me to cope with.
Whilst in this situation my head thinks ‘how long before its over?’. (The brain is a wonderful thing, being able to talk to myself is a godsend!) I hide behind my children, who of course may need their nose wiping for the hundredth time, or perhaps thay had sauce on their face, its always bwat yo check. I pour myself enough juice to keep my mouth busy because lets face it, that’s prefeable to the drivel that I will speak in these situations. My brain will spot an window of opportunity, I gear up to say something meaningful or in keeping with the current conversation, then it happens…absolute bloody rubbish comes out. Or no one knows what I actually meant and the whole situation gets even more uncomfortable! I can laugh about it once I’m home because by then I’m feeling better. At least I can entertain my friends with my tales.
So once the kids have been wiped so much they are almost squeaking and I can’t drink anymore, (being aware that when you consume large amounts of beverage that resemble alcohol, people may actually start to wonder if your hiding something) There is only one option left….eat! Oh I can do this well. I can glide along a buffet or bbq table and find all sorts of ‘akward conversation stoppers’. I lose all willpower to eat healthy and stuff my face. I absolutely feel better (in the short term anyway). It has to be better that being that person who drops the conversation killer sentence, is how I reason it.
So here I am back at home after eating all sorts of stuff I didn’t nees to. I resolve to do thw kind wifey thing and drop DH off next time, so he can drink and relax obviously. (Which of course is subtext for keeping me away from situations I don’t wany to be in. They do me absolutely no good at all!). The only way I can leave is when the kids get fed up, that is getting less and less likely as the the people grow and start to have fun at these events.