Sitting down after some pretty tiring multi tasking and having a think. For some time it has frustrated me that my lack of energy, low mood and anxiety has limited the amount of housework I do. I very rarely feel like I’m on top of things around the home anymore. I used to be and that change gets me down quite a lot. I feel it’s my job to do my share even if I’m not 100%. In all honesty my husband does about 70% lately and he works long hours too, it makes me feel lazy. ( I know I’m not but the little inner voice is never a kind one)
Since deciding to leave work
accept being pushed out everything is a lot easier to achieve as the tension has lifted. The realisation I’ve had is quite simple;
I can’t do as much as I used to because I simply don’t have the time now!
My anxiety and depression contribute to the reduced activity but its only a small percentage. Whilst on maternity leave I had all my time to devote to home. I have gradually increased my working hours and have two energetic children to look after. It’s not possible to do it all and give them the attention they need. You would think this was obvious, instead I have felt inadequate and put unnecessary pressure on myself to ‘do more than yesterday’ every night. Of course this fuels my anxiety and I end up doing less. It seems like a ridiculous cycle and yet I fall into it often. I am far too critical of myself!