I had a read of this and went from quite happy to wanting to cry. To read descriptions of what I have is both hard and uplifting. I say the latter because talking about this issue, getting it out there is great! So although I have shared it on my Facebook page, I was vague about whether I have one. I wonder if now is the time to ‘come out’ and tell my friends. Yet I have faces of friends and family running through my head of disappointment, disbelief and judgment. It’s scary but I want to be part of the movement trying to end stigma. I just have no idea if the move would ease pressure or push it higher, can I take that gamble when I’m in a fragile chapter?
Sitting down after some pretty tiring multi tasking and having a think. For some time it has frustrated me that my lack of energy, low mood and anxiety has limited the amount of housework I do. I very rarely feel like I’m on top of things around the home anymore. I used to be and that change gets me down quite a lot. I feel it’s my job to do my share even if I’m not 100%. In all honesty my husband does about 70% lately and he works long hours too, it makes me feel lazy. ( I know I’m not but the little inner voice is never a kind one)
I just can’t get my anxiety under control. I want to hide away and cry, not have to deal with the world or the people affecting me right now. My work situation is still not resolved and if anything it’s worse. I feel judged and my efforts unappreciated. This is despite working my arse off, helping above and beyond my actual job and the covering someone in management whilst they are on holiday. It’s getting too much and I have no idea what to do. It’s domiating everything in my life. I’m tired, angry, irritable, low and I keep losing things from lack of concentration. Not knowing what’s happening is my worst nightmare. I have no way of knowing whether I will have a job in a few weeks. My eating slipped yesterday and today, I feel horrendous. It’s not just not having a job, the pressure that comes with losing it is immense. I know it won’t lift until I find out my fate.