From day one I have hidden who I am on here, it was essential to keep me going. Only now life is quite different, I am a long way from where I started out in January 2014. Where has that time gone? (Most likely hidden in the ups and downs of this rollercoaster journey!) Continue reading
Today I have been contemplating tackling weight loss.
If we think of ourselves, friends we know and family members who have a mental health condition, I’m sure we can all come up with a small list. My number is 8! Continue reading
Should I continue with the programme?
For me the programme has been a positive change. There is a significant reduction in my binges, I started every day. I now average about one a week so it is definitely working for me.
‘Overcoming an eating problem often has a positive effect on accompanying problems such as depression, self esteem and relationship problems’
I definitely feel more positive in general. I have good days more often than bad days. My scores on the depression questionnaire have become incredibly low. I wouldn’t consider myself to be depressed now. I have a sense of achievement that I have improved my situation. It’s still a daily struggle, but I’m in a much better place. I’m happier, fitter and eating much healthier. This has had a really good effect on home and family life too. (Not just being a little easier to live with).
I now need to look at the processes responsible for my binge eating. I need to ask myself these questions;
1. Does dieting contribute to my tendancy to binge eat?
In the past this has absolutely been a huge trigger for me. I would impose stringent rules on myself and huge pressures to reach a goal in as little time as possible. This is something that I will always need to be aware of. I’m currently trying to eat clean and at just 2 days in, I restricted and it caused me to have a small binge. It’s a lapse and I have got back on with eating for health. To stop that hapening again I have relaxed and made a pact with myself to eat clean not mean. Staying on the line between over and under eating is something that is yet to become a way of life rather than a conscious choice but I will get there!
2.Do concerns about my shape or weight contribute to my binge eating problem?
Yes absolutely. I have nothing positive in this area to offer. I don’t feel confident, I compare myself to others and use mirrors to see how ‘bad’ I look. It’s all negative and negatively reinforces my problem in a huge way. Having made progress with my food consumption, this undoubtedly an area I have to focus on. I have no idea if I can do this part. For as long I can remember I have only thought of myself in a negative way, I prefer to fade in the background to feel comfortable. I can see the positives and beautiful aspects of anyone else but my own reflection has the power to make me cry. It appears that overcoming this, is the biggest key to my recovery on this journey.
In order to go forward, we first need to resolve the past. Is it really something we can do properly, if those that affected you are in denial anything ever happened? Or are we just destined to carry on as best we can, but scarred emotionally? If it’s the latter, can we ever truly be alright?
What is the difference between self improvement and recovery compared to just being self obsessed?