I went to sleep last night still riding the high from the weekend. A night out, the first in a very long time and I loved every second! I felt myself and invigorated to have rediscovered my love of gigs. Food has been pushed even further down the priorities list in my dysfunctional head. Continue reading
We have all heard the story of that date where someone is left standing. The embarrassment and pain that person must feel, is felt as we read or hear about it. No one wants to open themselves up to that situation and feel the rejection. But what if that rejection is in another form. To talk to someone about my condition is immensely difficult. For me to open up about anything is not in my nature. This evening I have just done that. They have been talking about diests i could do, trying to help me. Diets arent part of getting better. So i have given someone I love the chance to understand a little bit if what I’m going through, by reading a couple of pages in my Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder book, explaining the effect diets have on binge eating disorder. They took it, whilst sitting next to me and have placed it on the chair. What was so important that they could look at the first page? Reality bloody TV. The pain is less then it has been in the past. This is far from the first time something important to me, has been dismissed for something so irrelevant. Gives an insight into why I’m so guarded with my emotions.
When we love someone, we open the door to allowing them to hurt us. Most know this and spend their life simply loving you back. Just sometimes, an individual can take your gift for granted and create untold damage.
What causes a person who’s in a good place to ‘ fall off the wagon’ and go back to all their bad habits and behaviours? All done in the full knowledge of the consequences. The self loathing it will bring, which alone triggers cyclic activities. Why not simply stop? Snap put of it? Get a grip? Hell why not just talk about why your feeling the control slip?
Well the year started out with good intentions. I started my programme and felt great. So my thought process was simple ‘ I feel good, lets get going’. I started running, joined a community project, started my blog and felt like I could achieve so much. It was all so far from how low I had felt before Christmas, I was back on top of life again, what could go wrong?