I can’t go back and change anything that has happened in the past. I also can’t change how other people see what happened. What I do have, is a choice in the here and now.
I choose to not be angry or sad about my past. I choose to forgive those that have perhaps not always acted in a way that was fair. But most of all I choose to let go! It’s something that has taken me a few years to master and had previously seemed impossible to achieve. Learning to do this has come from my husband and I am extremely grateful to him for this lesson. Holding on to things held me back and caused me more upset than was necessary.
Being older I have grown to appreciate the situations and experiences that my mother (father and step parents) went through. To have to live with depression, anxiety and other limiting conditions is hard enough but when your a parent and a wife the burdens are huge. The situation from her side must have been far greater than I ever realised or could comprehend until I lived it myself. I may not make the same choices or have the same opinions on a lot of things but I have a respect for her now, that wasn’t there before I became a parent myself.
Going back to the beginning of my eating disorder has unloaded emotions and feelings I wasn’t aware were a problem. Writing things down here has released that and I’m ready to move on.