One week with her, that’s all it took to be catapulted back into the darkness and lost world I grew up in. Continue reading
Well this last few days has been a wake up call! I have never had to use the emergency services for myself, they are for serious cases and something I do not take lightly. Yet this week, without warning, I had to make that call I never thought I would.
Starting this journey to recover from my eating disorder has been the most indepth I have ever gone into my own psyche. It has taken me through some very dark places and I have discovered so much about who I truly am and how I got here. Recently I decided to takle my biggest trigger and perhaps the nucleus of my issues. It has opened the door to lost memories and pain that have held me down. That has led to possibly the biggest change I will ever make. Continue reading
It’s completely understandable that I don’t feel ok, given the last week. It’s frustrating that this would normally be my best week, away from hormones. Continue reading
I am working through the emotional turmoil of the last week. It would be safe to say I feel quite depressed at present.
The day I went for my assessment was an emotional one. The fear of what may happen and general emotions of the day left me with a feeling, if I’m going to do this therapy, I need to do it wholeheartedly. That meant I had one problem I haven’t tackled…my narcasistic mother and step father.
We have all heard the story of that date where someone is left standing. The embarrassment and pain that person must feel, is felt as we read or hear about it. No one wants to open themselves up to that situation and feel the rejection. But what if that rejection is in another form. To talk to someone about my condition is immensely difficult. For me to open up about anything is not in my nature. This evening I have just done that. They have been talking about diests i could do, trying to help me. Diets arent part of getting better. So i have given someone I love the chance to understand a little bit if what I’m going through, by reading a couple of pages in my Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder book, explaining the effect diets have on binge eating disorder. They took it, whilst sitting next to me and have placed it on the chair. What was so important that they could look at the first page? Reality bloody TV. The pain is less then it has been in the past. This is far from the first time something important to me, has been dismissed for something so irrelevant. Gives an insight into why I’m so guarded with my emotions.
When we love someone, we open the door to allowing them to hurt us. Most know this and spend their life simply loving you back. Just sometimes, an individual can take your gift for granted and create untold damage.
Substituting alternative activities
Identity changes in weight
What causes a person who’s in a good place to ‘ fall off the wagon’ and go back to all their bad habits and behaviours? All done in the full knowledge of the consequences. The self loathing it will bring, which alone triggers cyclic activities. Why not simply stop? Snap put of it? Get a grip? Hell why not just talk about why your feeling the control slip?