Category Archives: Month 5

I Am A Shit Candidate For Anxiety & Depression

I can’t stand being centre of attention.  To stand out for me is to put my flaws on mass display. I always try to put others first, that is my comfort zone. Yet I suffer with two conditions that make me feel self absorbed; Anxiety and Depression. I constantly carry thoughts about myself,  the angst of my situations and the mass of emotions these create.I am definitely not cut of for this battle. I hate it!

I Could Cry

Things just aren’t going right this week. It feels like one thing after another! I just want to hide away and cry:-(. I can’t keep my anxiety under control and I feel like I’m a total failure this week. I’m so stressed about work I’m not hungry. What I have eaten has been relatively healthy but not much of it. (Not a conscious choice to restrict though). Despite wanting to feel positive everything just feels a bit crap! My week was just topped off by finding out my much wanted and needed appointment with my PT isn’t happening tonight. We mixed up our dates.

Nope, that’s it I’m just sat crying now. I worked my arse off today and I’m too tired for an extra full on session in the gym. I need that new programme to keep me motivated. Today. is. officially. shit!

‘Just don’t worry’ Doesn’t Actually Help

I dont know how many more times I can hear that sentence this week. When asked about my current situation with work and the future I have expressed my concern for a) not knowing what is going on and b) the possibility I may not have a job soon. Now I get that people are trying to help and I should try and be more positive. But these are conversations intiated by other people. They have actually become mildly annoyed when I point out actually I have to be practical and look at what other opportunities are available to me. I can’t just stop working as there are bills to be paid. It’s safe to say tonight I’m a bit fed up, of people saying the wrong thing and my anxiety. I know it makes me more irritable but if I could ask you take one thing from this post its this; the next time you have a conversation with someone who has worries (anxiety sufferer or not) please listen. What they need to hear is understanding. ‘that sounds like it’s a difficult situation’ or ‘that must be very worrying for you’ is a much better response than ‘Don’t worry about it’. This only serves to make us feel worse, like our feelings are an over reaction and your not hearing us.Just be realistic, one sentence is not going to remove the bad situation is it?

MelVFitness: The hidden truths behind a transformation pic!
A great read and some good truths. I need to remember some of her lessons when I’m desperate to be smaller faster than it’s happening. I’m in this for the long haul, not just this week or this month but a permanent change. That will take a very long time, but I think my hardest battle is almost won. I have stopped binging as a coping mechanism. That has been replaced by training as my first thought, when something happens. I am making the changes I need to succeed.

Redundancy On The Horizon


How I wish I could accept the words in this photo and just carry on with my day, without anxiety. I recently found out that the company that I work for is being bought out. Initially this was just a formality, but I may actually be about to lose my job. Continue reading

The Little Things That Make My World Happy


We all have a list of things that make us smile, feel content and make us happy. Each person values different things. I like to think mine is simple and it evolves as I grow older. I have never really valued power, wealth and large material objects as very important.  They have their place, but they don’t make me happy. In fact I would go so far as to say, trying to achieve and maintain those things in my life, would make me miserable!

This is my list…

Continue reading

Increasing My Self Worth – I Rock!

What do you say when someone pays you a compliment? Does it make you smile and feel happy or proud even?

When someone pays me a compliment I feel awkward, I have no idea what to say , or what a normal person would say anyway. My response at best is ‘thank you, but…’. I find it very easy to pass the credit onto someone else or make a negative comment about said subject. What is even stranger, is that when it comes to criticism, I can accept it readily. I have no problem with taking the blame for mistakes or errors I make. It’s even a relief if I do confess these slip up’s. I fear people thinking I’m conceited or arrogant. I deliberately don’t say when I know something in the hope I can stay unnoticed. This all sounds very sad and a little pathetic really. Describing my good points is hard, but I really need to change this!

Since deciding to share my photography on the blog, I have felt quite liberated. I have had a good response and positive feed back. something I didn’t expect but it feels good. In fact because of this, I have had a renewed surge in creative ideas and enthusiasm for new images.

To be able to keep this up and move forward I need to work on my self worth. I do have talents, I am intelligent and I always give my best to others. I just need apply that sentiment to myself. So as my husband has told me, when someone gives compliment I should take it and perhaps next time think…Yes, I rock, thank you! Obviously thank you will be the only verbalised response. Just writing it makes me smile, so perhaps he has the right idea?!

A Wise Man Once Said…


Perhaps a wise sentiment for someone like me. It’s certainly becoming easier to do this. Perhaps show in my enthusiasm for sharing my photos and progress with training. It certainly features more heavily in my blog, than anyalysing my downfalls now. Good progress I think!