My name Fighting BED seems quite apt today.
I want to hide in my bed, pull the covers over my head and hide away from everything. The Dalai Lama said the greatest form of meditation is sleep. During the day I have my best sleep, completely lost in a peaceful break from it all. The nightime is often broken sleep and not restful. My bed is calling me, has been all day. I can’t nap as my youngest is past them now and even if I think one is needed, we have only a small window to get one in. This falls far short of the hours I need. A short nap is hard for me to wake up from, useless when you have places to be.
The other interpretation of Fighting BED is my ED. I haven’t the strength or motivation to do anything this afternoon including eating. I ate breakfast well enough but lunch has been minimal. This probably sounds odd with BED but my pattern is from years of restrictions. If I feel exhausted my appetite reduces. I will get to the evening and soothe myself with a comfort dinner and likely continue to eat, making myself feel better, an age old routine that has taken over.
I feel lost in the world today, it probably began yesterday when I struggled to think straight and became clumsy with tiredness after an extremely early wake up call. I am in the most difficult week of my cycle too. This always lowers my mood and wipes out my energy. It seems that this month is a particularly bad one.
I am forcing a smiles and trying to fake enthusiasm for my little one. I wouldn’t be able to explain tears or sad faces. The school run will be a head down get home quick journey today. I want someone to comfort me and at the same time dread seeing others and interaction.
Roll on bedtime and closing the world out.