Starting this journey to recover from my eating disorder has been the most indepth I have ever gone into my own psyche. It has taken me through some very dark places and I have discovered so much about who I truly am and how I got here. Recently I decided to takle my biggest trigger and perhaps the nucleus of my issues. It has opened the door to lost memories and pain that have held me down. That has led to possibly the biggest change I will ever make.
Having reached out to the person who has caused me years of hurt and anguish, I have had the chance to say things that needed saying decades ago. I feel lighter and much more matter of fact about the dysfunctional situation.
My openness and discussion have got me a flat wall of denial, passive aggressive responses and then the ultimate projection. I kept emotions to a minimum and avoided making it into an argument whilst accepting it would be a difficult process for both parties.
The communication has not been productive and consequently I am now at a crossroads; I either a)accept the option given to me agree to igore it all and move on or b) stand my ground and make my own decision. There is no choice here, option a) means I agree to accept their behaviour and lack of respect for me, my husband and any boundaries set. I am a mother with children to protect and nurture, this doesn’t include letting them see their parents being bullied and disrespected. For my sake and my families wellbeing, I will no longer accept any of it, we will be cutting contact.
I have a feeling this will be a huge new chapter in my life, one free from so many constraints that have fuled my anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.