Putting The Brakes On

Today has been a battle between feeling the need to do nothing and rest and guilt for all the things I feel I should do. I can only liken it to feeling like I am spinning in my head and feeling lost.

I am a very visual person,  seeing figures and diagrams helps me to understand things more. I never fails to frustrate me how depression can make me forget my coping strategies. That and how each month I need to remind myself that they arrival of my period will make me feel low and tired. I couldn’t keep going over it all in the same confusion. I have done my scores with the PHQ-9 and GAD-7. The results are a relief as I am incredibly high for depression and low for anxiety. It explains and validates how I am feeling. Increased Depression has a correlation with low body image, bad sleep and increased binges. If my anxiety were to increase I would eat less and be more agitated but my body image wouldn’t be a problem.

The last month has been very up and down so I have also scored myself for how I gelt over the previous four weeks. Putting this into a graph has made me feel a lot better. I can look at how my mood has changed regarding different emotions over a period of time. I intend to keep this up long term to identify patterns. Already comparing my results to my menstrual cycle has indicated a correlation. I am intrigued to see how it looks in another month. Hopefully this will help me to plan for down times accordingly.

In the shorter term I decided to write a list of things I need to do in order to try and stay as well as I can whilst my depression has become worse. Finding a balance is imperative! Too little and I feel lathargic and guilt.  Too much and I become stressed and magnify all my negative symptoms. I could go back and look at what I have written previously but i think it is better to look at what I need now. The list so far is:
– Do scores every two weeks
– Add data to graph
– Restart Overcoming Binge Eating programme
– Attend Eating Disorder Clinic and follow advice
– Listen to music daily
– Photography projects
– Go back to gym and do what feels fun with no agenda.

I don’t feel completely fine but the sense of feeling list had decreased massively. I just have to remember that I can help myself, no matter how low I feel. Even the smallest efforts can make a difference.

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One thought on “Putting The Brakes On

  1. recoveringactress

    So awesome to take the time to list the tools you know help you, and actively try to fight for who you are. Don’t forget to be gentle with yourself too. 🙂 If all you did was lie down and breathe all day long, sometimes that’s enough. Rooting for you!

    Reply

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