On days like today, where I want to lock myself in my safe place and hide it’s had to push out into the world.
I smile, look presentable and day the right things. Mostly I hide it well, the overwhelming anxiety I feel about everything. Being scared of life would sometimes sum it up.
Sometimes the mask can momentarily slip, a tear may form or my voice may falter. Yet most of the time my act fools even the closest to me.
Just once in a while someone sees though the smoke and mirrors and it unnerves me. They know im not ok and in that instant I am vulnerable, in my natural state. It makes me wonder how many others can see through my front? I am very good at seeing through others barriers, feeling their emotions. I guess it makes me realise I am in need more than I let on.
You’re not alone; it’s actually crowded in here. We all get lost roaming around in our own heads. I think the trick is not to do it all the time. Claw your way to the surface and grab a breath of air from time to time. Write it, then put it away for a while, then pull it out and kick its ass, then file it till you need it again.