Dysfunctional Scaffolding

After posting about achievements I inevitably have a bit of an emotional crash and feel low. I had a breakthrough of a possible cause last night.

Recently I had been asked to look at whether I ‘need’ my ED? In essence, yes, I do. I have always used barriers to shield myself from the world and people a little. The biggest barrier is my eating (even if binges are a bit redundant now)It has been the dysfunctional scaffolding holding me up. Now I have taken that away and left myself more vulnerable than ever before.

It’s not a problem if I don’t think about it. Only, by going through my sucess and all the changes I have made, is like suddenly feeling exposed and realising the step I was stood on, over a gorge,  has suddenly gone.

I guess I have some work to do to be able to feel entirely comfortable with changes in me. I have no idea how to do that! Perhaps desensitisation?  Do I look at how far I have come regularly to get used to it? Adding up all the failed diets, ideas and attempts to become someone other than me, doing this is hard!

Please feel free to share your experinces & thoughts.

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