A Cruel Anniversary

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Life has a habit of changing in an instant, blink and you are sometimes left wondering what the hell happened?

My last group of posts were written in a state of happiness and contentment with where my life had got to. I was looking at ways to use what I had left learnt so far, to help others struggling. Only now I am in that category again fighting to keep the front that all is ok. I can’t very well start crying at the school gates or hide in bed all day like i want to.

Depression has reared it’s head and pretty much floored me. With the constant worrying and anxiety, feeling low and teary for no apparent reason but it’s forte has to be the guilt and constant feelings of worthlessness and failure. This is far from my first time battling this conditions rapid onset. It would seem that the end of September / start of October is set in my brain like a reminder in a diary. You could say this is the third anniversary, for depression and I.

My recovery with BED will face a set back. I know well enough that I can focus on one thing at a a time. For now that focus is to make life as easy as possible for myself. This means removing unnecessary stress and activities. The slower my pace the better. Not to be confused with doing nothing though.  I know how essential it is to push myself to do things I normally enjoy because only after do I feel better. It’s a constant argument with myself but one I have to fight. Life needs to be balanced between rest and stimulation. Not easy when you feel like your being crushed with negative emotions and thoughts. 

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