It’s a little hard to believe my last post was as long ago as WordPress tells me. Time flies when your having fun.
I have done as much with my kids as possible over the last couple of weeks. The photography bug has still caught up in the evenings , editing pictures way past my bed time, simply because I love it.
Photography has been a passion for many years and you know what, I am genuinely feeling like I will pull this off, I’m not ‘going to be a photographer one day’, I am a photographer. It’s very liberating to spread your wings and get up each day filled with excitement for what can be created.
There have been two differences of late; Firstly following my ‘I Wish to Resign Post’ I have pulled myself back from everyone slightly. (Husband and kids not included) I have tried my best to question an action before I follow it through, it is for the right reasons or because I ‘should’. I keep minimal contact with those that would have previously derailed me on this journey. Sharing information has been on a strictly need to know basis because I don’t want feedback from them. The longer I do this the better I do at staying positive. I am removing the ability of others to affect how I feel and what I do. These feel like firm boundaries, especially as I can keep myself busy with ‘work’ and not initiate contact out of guilt. Revising the subject of FOG (Fear, obligation, guilt) lately has been helpful too. I used to be a classic candidate for suffering these but no more.
The other change is regarding food. While I may have successfully banished my binges, my eating has been less than ideal. The important part is I don’t care. I’m not anxious or planning my next diet. I have no desire to get on the scales any more either, the Weight Watchers promotion offer was dropped straight in the bin as soon as it arrived. I bought clothes when I needed them this week and removed old ones. My weight will change when I settle back into school runs and ‘working’. This is me and at the moment, I’m fat. Who cares? The more I fix my thought patterns the better chance I have of becoming healthier for good. Photography is replacing my evening eating and gives me a huge sense of achievement and fulfilment. Those are what will take me to a healthier place and weight. 9 months in and I’m finding who i am and making my own way. I am shedding weight, it just happens to be the kind that scales can’t measure.