Right now I am struggling with the concept that I can achieve something….. Anything. Having taken the tentative steps towards self employment, I am panicking. What if I am no good, what if it fails as none wants to buy my work and what if I have to go back to being an employee?
My worries aren’t because I’m lazy, in fact I can be the opposite, forever striving to work that bit harder. I just really lack confidence in my own abilities. Being self employed means I can keep my anxiety at bay and most importantly work around my children.
In fear of putting all my eggs into one basket, I even have a plan B, which is slowly being set into place too. I will do an evening course to gain certification for the trade I have worked in for the last few years. It should also lead to freelance work which I desperately want to stick with. I’m good at it and impressed my employers, especially being self taught. I just can’t help but think that plan A and B are beyond my reach and unachievable.
Those around me that know what I’m doing are generally quite supportive. Yet there are those who ask what I’m doing and then stay silent. Why does my head repeatedly play those silences and fill them in with negative thoughts? I seriously frustrate myself sometimes!
Seeing this image today helped a little and I will try my best to ask myself this question.( At this point it may need to be a mantra!) Perhaps in the same way I squashed my need to binge, I can start my photography business confidently….my confidence just doesn’t keep up with my ability.