The Pendulum Of Self Doubt


Right now I am struggling with the concept that I can achieve something….. Anything.  Having taken the tentative steps towards self employment,  I am panicking. What if I am no good, what if it fails as none wants to buy my work and what if I have to go back to being an employee?

My worries aren’t because I’m lazy, in fact I can be the opposite, forever striving to work that bit harder. I just really lack confidence in my own abilities. Being self employed means I can keep my anxiety at bay and most importantly work around my children.

In fear of putting all my eggs into one basket, I even have a plan B, which is slowly being set into place too. I will do an evening course to gain certification for the trade I have worked in for the last few years. It should also lead to freelance work which I desperately want to stick with. I’m good at it and impressed my employers, especially being self taught. I just can’t help but think that plan A and B are beyond my reach and unachievable.

Those around me that know what I’m doing are generally quite supportive. Yet there are those who ask what I’m doing and then stay silent. Why does my head repeatedly play those silences and fill them in with negative thoughts? I seriously frustrate myself sometimes!

Seeing this image today helped a little and I will try my best to ask myself this question.( At this point it may need to be a mantra!) Perhaps in the same way I squashed my need to binge, I can start my photography business confidently….my confidence just doesn’t keep up with my ability.

7 thoughts on “The Pendulum Of Self Doubt

  1. Marnie

    It sounds as though you’re doing amazingly well! You should be really proud.
    I suffer from terrible, at times debilitating, anxiety as well and I have come to the conclusion that my worrying is me trying to take care of myself and plan for the future — a kind of self-preservation mechanism gone horribly wrong. It just means I am never relaxed! And it’s no good. The fact is, the worst rarely comes to pass. But stopping worrying is much easier said than done. I know that from experience.
    I don’t know if any of that helped but I just wanted to say that I understand and empathise. You’ve done the hard yards and the preparation, and now you can give it a go! There will always be those in our lives who stay silent when we share our dreams, for whatever reason, but we can’t be bound by them.
    In the words of John Burroughs, “leap and the net will appear”.
    Good luck!

    1. Fighting BED Post author

      Ah thank you, reading that made me cry. It’s definitely how I feel most of the time. I needed to hear something like this. I hope that today is a good day for you.

      1. Marnie

        It’s so exhausting, isn’t it! If only there were an off switch.
        I’m so glad that I helped a little. Crying can be a wonderful release, anyway, I find.
        Thank you so much; I’m feeling good right now — my binge eating is at bay for the moment — so I’ve just got to keep on treating myself well. As do we all!
        Have a great one 🙂

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