This week has been back to normal with the routine. So plenty to keep me busy. Being back in the gym is a relief, not just because I feel a bit lazy not getting on with my training. The most important thing for me, is to have that alternative to bingeing.
Since my last post I have been training on both days that I planned to. Just yesterday I managed the longest distance with my running so far. It’s a huge achievement for me and I feel well on the way to being able to achieve my goal.
In November I will be part of a team competing in Mens Health: Survival of The Fittest. This is a 10k race and obstical course. It’s going to be tough, but every time I watch videos of last year I’m so excited. It’s the kind of thing I spent my early teens doing and to be able to do those things again, would be the most amazing achievement for me. This is something that I really want to do and I know if I got to November without trying, I would be disappointed in myself. Most people think the race is crazy when they hear about it! To me it looks like the most amazing time!
The race does give me something to aim for. It’s not a pressure that triggers anything. If fact it’s the opposite as It gives me the drive to make better choices. The obvious benefit is that my health and fitness are improving. The more I achieve the more I want to do. That seems a million miles away from January and how I felt then. In fact when I went on my first run, I couldn’t do 30 seconds! To look at me you would probably think “I don’t think so” but I will do my best to be as ready as I can be.
My eating this week has been great. I have eaten sensible and regular meals with normal portions. My approach is that I can eat anything I want to, nothing is off limits. The lack of pressure (a diet normally brings) is a huge help. I ask myself if I need something or can I leave it. In the evenings I have had coffee and perhaps a sweet to get past any cravings for sweet things. So far I have done really well. No binges this week! Even eating out i made more sensible choices, which I’m quite proud about. Normally eating out is considered a treat and I would take the approach that you eat as much as possible. But I’ve shown myself I can make changes because I want to. Some days I have eaten things that have made me think “I need to do better tomorrow” but its all work in progress. I just have to remember to stay positive and do my best.
I’m still attending counselling which has reduced a lot of my anxiety, enabling me to feel happier and more stable. Not carrying unresolved issues with me is another step forward. Each day is still a battle though. My negative feelings and emotions are always there. The best way I can describe them is to liken it to a trap door. It’s trying to open and let insecurity, feelings of failure and not being food enough to do this journey, come back in. I just have to shut it and think of what I am achieving and how far I have come already. Even thinking about all this now makes me nervous. So I will recognise that and head off to do something positive to address it because I can’t let the negative take over any more.