Rise and Fall

Well the year started out with good intentions. I started my programme and felt great. So my thought process was simple ‘ I feel good, lets get going’. I started running, joined a community project, started my blog and felt like I could achieve so much. It was all so far from how low I had felt before Christmas,  I was back on top of life again, what could go wrong?

It turns out all of the above. Running before I could walk is probably the best description for what happened. Very quickly it all became too much. I was stressed and stretched too far adding all these new things to my already hetic life of toddlers, general family life and work. I couldn’t do much but flop into bed at night. Then the joys of children’s illness came knocking at our door. Those with children will know how much they like to share! By the end of January I was exhausted, ill and well and truly off my CBT programme. I had to undo everything I put in place.  The gap in my blog appeared,  I resigned from the community project and tried to focus on getting better. Not easy when your covering jobs for colleagues off and no childcare!

After a small break from extra activities, I decided to learn from my rush to be better and take this at a slower pace. Each week I gained more control and made improvements. I continued my running and am pleased that this has improved.  The sense of achievement I feel takes me away from my need to eat, to feel better. It’s very much like an equation. Run = Satisfaction = reduced binges. All through February I have followed this pattern and felt unbelievably happy at times. The habit to only weigh once a week is engrained. Gone are my days of weighing multiple times, stripping underwear off for a ‘better’ result. A routine of eating at set times has been established and healthier choices. Perhaps I could say that it’s another ‘Spectacular Rise’. But a more sensible view is, It’s simply a stage of being in control and something I need to learn to maintain. We never know what’s round the corner….

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