5th January 2014
Have I made some miraculous recovery? Am I suddenly in a better place? No is the simple answer to these questions. I’m aware of how bad my problem is and I know what my triggers are. Yet I feel powerless to stop myself from seeking comfort in food.
Yesterday after a close call in the car I was upset. My first thought turned to food. If could eat something then I would feel comforted. Since I was aware of this fact, it would make sense to find an alternative source of comfort. This would be the first though in anyone’s mind really and it is understandable. But it is not the way my mind works. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s. Did I feel better afterwards? Yes. Was I able to stop the binging to feel better, when I got home? That would be a big fat NO. I had already let the flood gates open, the damage was done, so what was the point? So there it is. I know what my issue is; I know what my coping mechanisms are and how detrimental they are to me. But I can’t stop them.
It’s not all doom and gloom though. I have continued to read my book. I can identify myself in a lot of the contents so far. This actually fills me with hope. If I fit the bill of what is binge described, then surely I can be a candidate for part II of the book, Recovery!!